The Onion - Features Writer from 2017-Present
I’ve been writing for The Onion since 2017, contributing primarily to the American Voices and Infographic beats. Here are some I really enjoy.
US Animation Studios May Have Unknowingly Outsourced Work To North Korea
Water From Splash Mountain Sells For Over $1,000
Biden Negotiates Tentative Deal To Avert Rail Strike
Americans Explain How High Gas Prices Have Affected Them
How Not To Be The Tourist Everyone Hates
Five Things To Know About “Cruella”
World’s Largest Iceberg Breaks Off From Antarctica
Japan Appoints Minister of Loneliness
How We’re Celebrating Valentine’s Day In A Pandemic
Scientists Bring Dying Organs Back To Life
Next Generation Of Xbox Reportedly Arriving In 2020
October (Condé Nast)* - A beer and brewing focused outlet run by Pitchfork/Condé Nast from 2019-2021
October was a wonderful but short lived Condé Nast outlet that was ostensibly focused on the culture surrounding beer and brewing. In reality, the outlet had an adventurous editorial team that let writers swing for the fences. It ruled. Unfortunately, like so many cool outlets before it, October was shuttered in early 2021. Due to the site’s closure, I’ve provided a PDF capture of some of my work there rather than links.
Zero Percent: A Search For The Ultimate Non-Alcoholic Summer Beer
Polygon
Strong Bad…Thank You - A Love Letter To An Early Internet Icon
The Karate Paved Road To Hell - Nostalgia, Rivalry, and Cobra Kai
Playboy
Hunting For The Mothman in Chicago
ClickHole - Contributor from 2016-2017
10 Things To NEVER Say To Your Bartender
How Many Of These Classic Punk Bands Have You Heard?
You’re A Bird! Do You Have What It Takes To Survive In The Wild?
McSweeney’s
Audio Humor Piece For The Organist
For access to my resume or screenwriting samples please reach out via my contact page